Billy Kelly, inventor of the Uncle Sam hat and invisible bread (not pictured), lives all alone in an abandoned cardboard factory in rural Scotland. He has been photographed only six times since 2001, and five of those pictures were taken on the same day. A 28th-degree black belt, Billy has mastered the art of stealth and may in fact be standing immediately behind you right now. Wait — nope, that’s not him.
Billy Kelly was born in 2014. He is 100 years old. His favorite color is seven. In 1904, at the age of 7, Billy single-handedly built a 428 foot high snowman — still the worlds tallest, even though it has melted quite a bit since then. With his other hand, Billy simultaneously built the world’s smallest snowman, using one snowflake for the body, one for the torso and a single ice molecule for the head. This snowman’s name was Sven, but that’s neither here nor there. Neither is Sven; he melted almost immediately.
Through processes not fully understood by modern science, Billy is able to make up songs in his head and “record” them in a “recording studio”. This technique, not fully understood by modern science, has enabled Billy to take the songs he makes up and distribute them to lots of people. It is believed that these songs contain coded messages that that will someday explain not only what happened to that sock you're missing, but also why the word 'dictionary' is in the Dictionary. Seriously, people: if you don't know how to spell 'dictionary', it's right there on the cover. And if you don't know what 'dictionary' means then you won't know where to look it up anyway!!!
Billy often wonders aloud whether Bigfoot has one big foot and one small (or at least regular-sized) foot, as his name seems to suggest. If he only has one big foot, then the name Bigfoot suits him fine. If both of his feet are large, Billy continues, then he should think about changing his name to Bigfeet.